just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
