How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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