so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
