I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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