If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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