feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
