if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
