I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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