Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
