i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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