my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
