I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
