Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In other news, I just burned my penis
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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