My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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