So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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