omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
