Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
