I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
