He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
