After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
