I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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