Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
