This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
