my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
