So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
