I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
