Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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