I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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