perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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