i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
