I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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