He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize