Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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