My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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