Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
