Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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