is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
