i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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