Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
