Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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