Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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