He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
