I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Boobs are out for the taking
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
