I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
