the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
