yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
