So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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