Will you blow on my dice?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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