were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
