i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
