The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize