SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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