i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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