There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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