All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
