I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize