But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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