Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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