So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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