I think I am morally bankrupt
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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