my mouth tastes like poor choices
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
