I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
