just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
