If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
