Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
