Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
