I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
