Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
