If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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