i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
