something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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