was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize