yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
