I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
