WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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