so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
