I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
