just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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