She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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