You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
