I need help removing her.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
