I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
