My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize