I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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