i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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