Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
