I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize