Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
